My thoughts

Every day that I have some extra time I attempt to read some articles on the ldsmag.com, or something from general conference, or the Ensign.  I find that the more I do this, the more I make and take the time to do this.
Today, I read an article that really touched me, like a friend who truly understands where you are and how you are feeling.  Although her story wasn't mine, her feelings were so parallel to mine that I was enthralled and I wanted to write about it in my journal and then I wanted to share it with my blog (and those of you who read it, because mainly this is kind of a journal for me).  She had aspirations that were similar to mine, she got a PhD around parenting/mothers, she uses narrative therapy on a personal level so I was hooked ;)  AND the other BIG thing is that she is looking back from a place where I am not yet. (Isn't it wonderful to hear from those who have been where we are)
Here is the article.

Basically, she had two aspirations, to be a good mother and wife and raise a family "unto the Lord" and to have something that was hers, her career.  She noticed how many times, these things don't fit together so easily and she started to feel as if it was wrong to want a career, something that she could do well that wasn't parenting.

I get that!

I LOVE being a therapist.  I cannot describe how much I enjoy it and how much fulfillment I get from it.  On a daily basis I can change someone's life for the better with my knowledge and education and with the help of the Spirit because I do ask for that assistance and need it in my work.  Sometimes, I am the only one in a person's life that they see who is rooting for them and wants them to succeed and they are able to make changes because of that.  It is such a blessing when the people I teach and work with are able to make changes in their lives for the better.  And this fulfills a statement in my patriarchal blessing. 

Then comes the questions that the author of the article asks herself: “Can an active LDS woman have a family and a professional life separate from family?” and “In order to be a “good” wife and mother, do you have to let go of all, or most, of my other aspirations?"

On a side note, and something that many of you understand from personal experience; as a working mom, I am still making dinner, cleaning the house, taking my daughter to her appointments and baking and such.  I only have one child right now, and between my husband and I, we are still able to do those things for our family and have fun times with M as well... 
But I often question if it is enough and if I am giving M as much as I can, what my sisters and sisters-in-law are giving their children, what my mother and mother-in-law gave their children. 

Like the author, there are people who have things to say on both sides of the discussion, reasons why I should be a stay-at-home mother or why I should continue to work, now or when we have more children.  And I often find myself swayed by what they say and wondering what is the best option for my family AND what is the best option for me (if I can say that out loud- yup, it is a statement that brings guilt- guess I haven't "let go" of my shame/guilt yet)

Here I tread lightly (and hope those who read do so with a soft heart), but I do agree that the culture of Mormonism is not big on women having both, but as the author explained "Please understand that I am not speaking of our doctrine of female stewardships, but instead of the deeply-entrenched cultural messages that still exist on many levels and limit the choices of women."

I had been chatting with my husband about my career and parenting and the future and I have no real answer now for how that will work.  But I do know that I will make that decision with help from the Lord and I value and appreciate the reminder to look at my personal narrative and re-frame my thinking around certain things.  I am excited to see how that process will emerge as I had not thought to do my personal narrative again (although all narrative therapists know how much this changes over time).

So, although I have no real answer to what the future holds for me and my career with parenting young children (Yes, children! I guess this is the reveal for those who don't know- we are expecting again.) but I do know that there are things that I can do to find out.  And I do know that there are others women who have traversed this territory and have felt these feelings and made their own decisions for their family and personally.  And that gives me hope and courage!

Thanks for listening.